相手の話をしっかりと聴く方法～傾聴～
傾聴について
人とコミュニケーションを行う上で、傾聴の重要性がよく言われます。相手の話を「しっかりと聴く」のが傾聴ですので、言うまでもなく大事なことです。
傾聴を広辞苑で調べると、「耳を傾けて聴く」「熱心に聴く」と書いてあります。しかし、これをやろうとしてみると、難しいことがよく分かります。
今回は傾聴が難しい理由と、傾聴するために必要なことについて考えてみます。
傾聴が難しい理由
傾聴が難しい理由について考えてみます。
①感情：1つ目は感情です。傾聴とは自分の好き嫌いなどの感情を抱けば、できなくなってしまいます。特に嫌いという感情をもっていると話自体が入ってきません。
②体の機能の問題：会話の要素を話す・聴く・考えるに分けます。この3つのスピードは、遅いものから順に話す→聴く→考えるとなります。つまり、人の話を聴いていると、考える時間が生まれます。相手の話を聴きながら、次は何を言うのか、どのように答えるのかなどを考えることが出来ます。しかし、このように考えている時点でこれは傾聴できていないことになります。
③傾聴は疲れる：先述しましたが、傾聴は疲れます。相手の話に意識を集中するからエネルギーを使います。人間の脳は基本的にエネルギーをセーブしようとしますので、傾聴しているつもりでも傾聴できていないということが起きてしまいます。
傾聴するためには
傾聴するためには、何が必要となるのか考えてみます。
①意識が自分ではなく他人に向いている：これはとても重要なポイントです。相手の話を聴きながら、次は何を言おうかなどと考えているとすれば、これは意識が相手でなく自分に向いています。そもそも、傾聴は聴くことなので、言葉だけでなく相手の目を見たり、表情や仕草に注目することが必要です。意識が相手に向いていれば、自然とこれらに注目が行きます。
②相手の話したいことを聴く：会話していると、ついつい自分の聴きたいことを聴きたくなってしまうものです。しかしこれは傾聴ではありません。相手が相手の話したいことを聴くのが傾聴です。途中で余計なことを言ったり、聴きたいことを質問して聴くのは傾聴ではなくなってしまいます。
③しっかりと聴いていることを伝える：話をしていても、「この人は人の話を聴いてる！？」と思われる聴き方では、相手は話を止めてしまいます。不快感さえ覚えられる可能性もあります。時折相手の目をみたり、うなづいたり、相槌をうったりしながら聴けば、相手に聴いていることが伝わります。
以上のように、傾聴はやっているつもりでも、できていなかったりするものです。いずれにしても、傾聴にはコツやトレーニングが必要となります。
意識が自分でなく、相手に向いていることが特に大事なポイントです。
最後までお読みいただき、ありがとうございました。
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